Monday, January 21, 2013

Our Redneck Christmas

Okay, let me first say that this is a super long post.  Because this blog serves as my family's journal, I don't want to forget a thing.  There is so much to share from this day, so go grab a Sonic Coke in my honor, have a seat, and enjoy!  :)

My mom has always had games and fun stuff for us to do together at Christmas, but this year she took it to a whole new level.  She asked us to dress up in our best redneck/white trash attire, bring a white elephant gift for a redneck gift exchange, and bring food to contribute to our redneck food spread.

It took some extra work on everyone's part to participate, but we like to laugh around here so she didn't have to twist our arms too hard at all to get us on board.  I love this family of mine.  We always have a good time together.

I present to you..... Our Redneck Christmas!

Redneck Christmas tree complete with a lamp shade and empty case of cheap beer for the topper as well as empty beer cans and cartons of cigarettes as ornaments
The redneck decor carried inside through the house as well with the couches covered in blankets, clothes hanging on clotheslines, lawn chairs for extra seating, and even a handmade flower centerpiece on the coffee table (a poinsettia in a beer can).
My brother came in and said, "Well put me on the front of a birthday card!"  Seriously hilarious!
My husband is not a smoker but sure got that cigarette to stay stuck to his lip, and that baby didn't move while he drank, played football, or even opened presents.  He makes me laugh every day, but he took it to a new level this day.  I love him, mullet and all.  I'm so lucky that all that is mine.  :)
My aunt makes my day like no other, and the effort she put into her redneck/white trash outfit was awesome.  She even had fake tattoos on her chest!  Oh, and then there's this....
Her Wal-Mart "tattoo" on her knuckles!  HA!
Check out that baby taped to my mom's leg!  That's one way to keep up with your kid so your hands are free for other things.  ;)
There's a lot of hair going on in this picture!!!!!  :)
I'm thinking this should be their Christmas card next year.  :)
My uncle Rusty and aunt Marjory.... I just adore them!
Redneck for life!  A true redneck woman's hands are full with a beer and a baby, so where else is she to put her personal items than her cleavage?!
These guys always find a time to throw a football around...even all decked out in their Redneck outfits!

Joel with his boys, Charles and Aaron
* Photo bombed courtesy of Kelsie! *
My oh my....  This still makes me laugh out loud!
 While C & P took naps, the adults opened gifts, and then the boys joined us when they woke up.
Check out that mommy multitasking going on.  She's not only distributing gifts, but she's doing it while holding her baby!  :)
You know you're an adult when you get a new set of kitchen pots and pans for Christmas....and you're over the moon excited about it!  This was equally true for three adults in this room.  :)

I was trying to think of things for C & P's shirts that were in line with the redneck theme....
C's says: "This is my juice drinking shirt!"
You'll see P's a few pictures down.... :)

P's shirt said "You better redneckognize!"
The back of both boys' shirts said either "Bubba 1" or "Bubba 2", just for added enjoyment for us adults.  This is him getting his jacket on to go outside....after he opened that one present.  Typical.  :)
Then, it was GAME TIME!  My mom put so much effort and preparation into the redneck games.  So much fun!  There are way too many pictures to include them all, so I'll try to show you some of my faves...

Game #1: Lawnmower Race
picking teams
We had to push lawnmowers (NOT turned on! That's very important, people!) by navigating around wheelbarrows, flamingos, and other items scattered in the yard.

Game #2: Hubcap Hurling
You had to toss a few hubcaps into the other team's pool.

Game #3: Redneck Horseshoes
no horseshoes here...only toilet seats (they were new, for those of you wondering :)  )

Game #4: Redneck Boob Job
You had to blow up balloons with straws and fill up the bra cups.

Game #5: Seed Spitting
The goal here is to spit your sunflower seed the farthest.  I think it's funny that everyone's faces look like they're about to puke when they're spitting the seeds as far as they can.  Look for yourself for a good laugh....  :)

Game #6: Junk in the Trunk
Put ping pong balls in an empty tissue box, and tie it to your waist.  You have to get all of your balls out first by shaking your hiney like a mad man/woman.  :)

 Game #7: Guess the Beer
My mom would pour the beer into our cup, and we'd have to write down what we thought they were.  I did not do well.  At all.  I guess that's what happens when you're not a big drinker.  I kept telling my team every drink was Bud Light.  Thinking back, I don't think even one was Bud Light.  Oopsie.  Now, if we have a game where we guess the cookie dough flavor, I'm your girl!

The guys ended up playing some Redneck Life...yes it's a real board game, and no my mom didn't own it before this gathering.  :)


As we wound down for the night, we did our white elephant redneck gift exchange.  What was even better than the gifts themselves was how they were all a diaper box, in soda boxes taped together, rolled up in a plastic grocery bag taped together with duct tape, in a styrofoam take-out food box, and even in an empty potato chips bag!
Being silly, but it didn't last long because....
Rusty stole that gift on his turn!  Rusty's smile after stealing that gift is fantastic!  So funny!
Jerry Springer VHS tapes
Whatever it is, it's wrapped in foil inside a plastic grocery bag.  That's gotta be good!  Right????
And it was!  It was a last place trophy for a golf tournament!  The best part is that the plate on the front of the trophy was engraved with "last place".  Haaaaaa!!!!!!!  What's even better is that it actually belonged to someone in this family!!!!
Massage Oil!  (AKA vegetable oil)
a tractor calendar
Maybe instead of flyswatters being the gifts for the winning team members, they should've been given toothbrushes.  Check out these redneck mouths!

The day was a blast, to say the least.  We were all beat by the end of the day, but it was a day where we made many fun memories.  This smile sums up our day together....

Thanks for such a great day, Mom.  I know I told you that day, but I want to mention again what an amazing job you did pulling it all together.  You are a rock star, and I love you to the moon and back.

I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas as much as we did ours. :)

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Kristi Gail. That means a lot to me! I love creating memories for my family and I'm so glad the apple doesn't far from the tree for you and your family. I promise they will appreciate it all one day. It may not be until they become parents themselves, but one day they will thank you for being the mom you are and creating memories for them too (like this blog, for instance). You are an AMAZING mother!!! Mom