Thursday, April 25, 2013

the bed time blues

So here's the thing.  Every night when we put Connar to bed he is completely fine.  He doesn't need anything and has no personal issues going on.  That lasts all of 10 steps until we're out of his room and hear him either trailing behind or calling our name.  That's when the bed time blues kick in.

Here are just a few of the excuses Connar has given for not going to sleep at night.  Mind you, he pulls a few of these on a nightly basis, as if we've forgotten about them from the last 47 nights.

- Let's start with the one we get most often: "I need to poo poo."  "No you don't, Connar.  You just want to get out of bed."  "No, I DO have to poo poo."  So we lead him to the bathroom, and what happens?  I know you're going to be shocked.... no poo poo.

- I went in to check on him when he was using the potty (see the last excuse for more specifics), and he was nowhere to be found.  I looked around the corner and saw a long roll of toilet paper leading from the bathroom to our bedroom.  He looked up with a smile as if to say Fancy meeting you here! and said, "I'm making toilet paper train tracks."

- He came out of his room scratching his head like a mad man and said, "My head itches.  I need you to scratch my hair."

- He walked out of his bedroom with his hand elbow deep in the back of his underwear with a really uncomfortable look on his face.  As he feverishly scratched his hiney, he said, "My butt itches.  I need cream. I really need cream." 

- "I need a drink.  I'm so thirsty.  I really need a drink, Momma.  My mouth is dry.  I DO need a drink."

- He called me from the other room.  I stuck my head through the cracked door, in hopes that this was a quick excuse (Ha!  I should know better.), just to be met with the words, "Come to my bed."  When I got there he said, "Leave the door cracked."  "It was already cracked, Connar."  "Sure you leave the door cracked."  He has been known to do this repeatedly a handful of times.

I love him to infinity and beyond, and we do get quite the kick out of many of the excuses he gives (Shhhhhh! Don't tell him!), but I have to say that I can't help but think of a hilarious book I bought Talton for Father's Day a couple years ago (What can I the time we had a 19 month old and a 4 month old) that still rings true now that our boys are 3 1/2 and 2.  It's called Go the F*#k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach.

If you've never read it AND you have a sense of humor, do yourself a favor and either find a copy to borrow or watch this You Tube video of an audio version. 

I laughed so hard I literally cried when I finally got my hands on this book, because it absolutely rings so true.  Side note: Imagine the phone call I had to make to Barnes & Noble to ask if they had the book in stock and then again later when I called to see if it was ready for me to pick up.  "I'm sorry ma'am.  What was the name of the book again?"  Right.  Like you forgot.

I even took it to work to show my friends who thought it was equally as funny; especially the moms who've been there before.  This book would make a great gift for expectant parents too.  If it wasn't packed away with all of our stuff in Houston, you can bet that I would be pulling it out tonight for a good laugh after putting Connar back in bed for the 11th time in 20 minutes.  :)

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